Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Alright we all need to accept that the post about last week's episode is lost down the memory hole. Girl had an eating disorder, she gave a bunch of super crazy talking heads and got the boot. BIG DEAL. I love this version of the theme with what I can only guess is the guy who did that "I like to move it move it" song (I will be damned if I'm going to find out what that actually is or who its by.) Anyway this is hopefully the makeover episode, I have a lot of commercial time to speculate on this. No one will ever read this, so I feel like I can say honestly: Fuck you Old Navy Marketing Department. Fuck you so hard.

Ann is obvs the favorite, so get ready to see her lumber straight to the finish line. Who is this Sara? I've never seen her before. Oh wait, she's just unremarkable. Terra is not nearly as charming when she knocked down. OH FUCK TYRA GOT IN THE HOUSE OH GOD GET BACK. Seriously, that would be horrifying. Tyra you are right about ANTM getting realer and realer with that models fart on each other joke a second ago. Chris; never too beat down to dance. I hope they add sexuality to Kendall via semen on hands. Kinda love that Tyra has to now have 'The Talk' with the girls about freakouts on the chair. But seriously girls I don't get that. : (. BE NERVOUS TERRA TYRA IS A HAIR SNAKE. Lexie got super high and now she's all dropping pranks. Now we're getting the chair freakouts early over nothing. I hope this doesn't ruin the chair freakouts to come. I'm trying to do this as I watch the show this time, if you couldn't tell, and I'm not sure if its appropriate to comment on the commercials. I can't pretend like anyone actually reads this, but if you should happen to stumble across this looking for CYCLE 20 SPOILERS!!!, let me know what you think in the comments!

They really need to stop humanizing those twins because I came into this with them in my team of favorites because they were so ridiculous. Also, Liz' hair. man. You favorites are killing yourselves tonight. Lexie's such a bitch. So is Liz apparently. Oh shit Sara why did they take your eyebrows you look like Ginger Frankenstein. Chestnut Frankenstein. Speaking of, Kendal I love you girl but you look kind of like Snoop Dogg. Her Ty-Over straight up worked though. So did the gap toothed girl. Forget what I said about my favorites failing me, Chris comes into her own with that Beyonce weave. Who is Jane?!? Wow, Lexie's before picture. Eegh. Oh shit! Oh shit Ms. J oh shit! With all these people I don't recognize I'm glad they're cutting someone extra because I don't recognize a bunch of these people. Commercial time!!

I love this zero tolerance policy towards Chair drama which they top off with some Highlander shit. I'm sad Terra's leaving. Click-Click-Click-Flash, after all. Whoa! Who is Kid Sarah Silverman?? Chestnut Frankenstein looks horrible. "What do I look like right now?" An Asshole. Nice post production lightning, sorry the girls couldn't enjoy it. What a trite concept for a photoshoot. Mr. J take those arms off! OH damn, Esther is Kid Sarah Silverman. I like that everyone has to come up with a little backstory, but I'm also glad I don't have to hear them because I get douche chills from other people's imaginations : ( CHESTNUT FRANKENSTEIN! MAN. They really did a number on you. Mr. J is straight up nasty this cycle I think he's having problems at the home. That one girl was hustling a little too hard but Lexie you just need to shut up, all the time. Chris girl you gotta man up because you are my great white hope. Kind of.
Being an angel really seems to mean have sick eyebrows. Aww, Ann doesn't have a lot of experience with 'dudes'. Thank God everyone thinks Lexie sucks as much as I do. I'm sorry to keep coming back to this but Chestnut Frankenstein looks like a Super-Villain. Anyway, TJ Maxxx time.

Cigarette Mummy is the guest judge tonight. WHOA that vogue cover. See you in my nightmares, baby! Oh, Nigel's microphone is turned up. No troubbs. I admire all those bitches for co-takingthe falls. Liz damns audibly for falling for some shit. Esther it looks like the male model is trying to stop you from doing something stupid that you think is super clever. Kacey should have turned her head the other way and angled it up more. This is my token attempt at legitimacy before I go back to being Catty. Speaking of; "I mean, really?" Buuurn, Chestnut Frankenstein. Its a super shitty picture though. I like when the judges have to qualify that the sum output of the gang is awful to justify their compliments. Ann of course wins it all but its actually a pretty great picture. Still a bummer that that's the furthest she gotten with 'the dudes'.

Alright, We are almost through this and I've basically written a poorly constructed essay about this Top Model. I don't think there's a market for this. Dreckitude strikes again. The worst made up ANTM word of them all. Bring back Smize if it gets you off Dreckitude : ( These pictures are terrible. Ann would have won even if she wasn't the season favorite. Penelope Tree looks like a high-fashion model in the Horror Dimension. See how many times I called Ann wins and then it happens? I've got this ANTM shit figured out. The judges are vicious this time around, singling out the good ones, giving them their pictures seperately, and then lowering themselves to the rest of the DRECKITUDE BUGHGHGHGGUHUGHGH whatever. Lexie and Chestnut Frankenstein at the bottom. I vote Lexie only because you can't just send home the monster you helped to create. Sadly, Ginger Frankenstein is sent off to be torched by the villagers, despire the fact that Lexie looked deaditorial. WHATEVER. Good night everybody!

1 comment:

  1. zomg esther is a TOTAL kid sarah silverman. and deaditorial? lawlz. And I felt so bad for chestnut frankenstien because she thought she looked good. I am rooting for the giant (just hopefully she gets less awkward and more cool) and the lesbian...what was her name again? luvs her.